So my friend Jon Ramsey and I decided yesterday that we would come dressed up for halloween.  We both came dressed as “Unemployment”.   After much talk of people wearing costumes, we were the only ones who did it right.  That’s an exageration because neither one of us looks like anything but lazy.  That’s the point though so…. whatever.  Here we are.  Classy.

As you can see, we are both dressed like the unemployment checks are coming in.  Items I include in my costume are – Mohawk, Homer Simpson slippers, 4 different Employment papers, an application to the Globe University MN School of Business, the manual for Sim City 4, my (fake and hilarious) resume, and my remote control.  Oh, and ramen noodles in a cup.  I wrote some job leads on my arm too.  As I walk around the office, people ask why I’m in my PJ’s and I just hand them a folded up resume from my pocket and tell them to pass it on if they know anyone who is hiring.  They look at it and laugh and then I explain that I am on unemployment for halloween.  100% success rate.  I alleady have 3 job offers and 2 requests from others looking for help on their resumes. 

 

Here’s my resume…

Christopher J Wilbourn

1316 Lafoind Avenue – St. Paul, MN, 55124 – 651*-645-7847 – roofing.chris@yoohoo.com

 

 

Job History

 

Dollar Store (Buffalo, MN) – Product Specialist – June 5-Present.

-          Turn all items on shelf to face toward the isle. 

-          Ensure that all products are in the forward position on the shelf and not back where customers can’t see it.

-          Stay in store overnight and mop floors.

 

 

Taco bell (Hopkins) – Assistant General Manager – June 3-5, 2007

-          Observe payroll entry

-          Stay out of customer line of sight.

-          Clean mens bathroom

 

 

McDonalds  (Univesity&Vandalia) – Frying machine operator – 2003

-          supervise the cutting of potatoes

-          add salt to fries

-          empty grease into a oil container and put in a paper bag into dumpster

-          Stay out of customer line of sight.

 

 

Wallmart (St. Paul, Midway) – Greeter/Client Happyness Consultant – 2002

-          Said hello and smiled at people who were coming in the door.

-          Answer their questions about the smiley face

-          Talk to old people

-          Take short breaks with non smokers.

 

About me – I am a self directed “Go getter” with tons of experience in doing stuff.  I would be faluable to your company because I am good with citizens and will make sure t o  bring deodorant this time.  I good smile to faces of customers.  I have given up my meth breaks.  Only smoke breaks needed now.

 

Please do not contact my Supervisor at Taco Bell as she isn’t very nice.  KTHNXBY

 

 

 

References Available On Requwest.

 

J

 

 

 

                                                           *Template available at – www.myfirstresume.com

 

 

That in its sef is pretty rad but here’s Jon’s resume too.   He took a little bit different approach than I did but it’s quality.  Especially for a guy in Cocoa Puffs pants.  Lol!!!

 

Jonathan Ramsey Resume

 

4747 Emerson Ave N

Minneapolis, MN 55430

612-860-0956

 

Objective – Intensify and Diversify my goal driven procedures for actuating my definitive internal paradigm in a Solution Oriented manner.  My ultimate goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try business analysis.

 

Education – Completed 11 years of high school.  While I’ve never quite gotten a degree, I am quite close to several.

 

Qualifications:

• Professionally watered 22,500 house plants.
• I often use a laptap.
• I am able to say the ABCs backwards in under five seconds.
• In response to your ad for Web Editor, here is a URL to a site I have worked on: www.hotmoms.com.
• I have a current passport
• I have unsuccessfully raised a dog.
• Minor allergies to house cats and crab grass.
• I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms.
• I am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
• I am an onest and ambitious person, understanding the words as deadline, professional skills, communication with people, seriousity.
• I am creative, dependable, and housebroken.
• I can adapt to just about any environment from cubicles to one of them fancy IKEA desks.
• I’m a rabid typist.
• Donating blood. 14 gallons so far!
• GO VIKINGS!
• Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
• Marital status: often. Children: various.

 

Job Experience

I don’t have any “job experience” per se, but I worked for my Mom for the last 6 years as a house cleaner.  My responsibilities included cleaning up my room, making my bed, showering at least 3 times a week (she didn’t say when, so I generally would take all three on Saturday), and watering the houseplants.  I feel this gave me great abilities and insites into how to do a job and do it well.

 

Reason For Leaving Previous Employment

Responsibility makes me nervous, and being in trouble with the law, I moved quite frequently.